amazing things

Hello all. Right now I am in a fierce battle. I am not sure if I should embrace unnessary conservatism or just take the middle of the road approach. I still like the idea of evolution which is holding me back from becoming ultraconservative, yet I still wear glasses which makes me ultraconservative. Both paths just have so many good things. I like wearing black pants everyday, never smiling, judging people who speak in tounges, driving slow, making sure my shirts are not to low-cut, telling people what they are doing is wrong, ironing my clothes, yelling, not having time to talk to people because I'm too busy, not ever farting, having a business mans haircut, and not shopping on Sundays. Ultraconservatim has really grown on me. Yet the battle rages on.

I was thinking this morning about conservatism and how it is really nice. Unfortunately nice is not good enough. I am considering switching my philosophy in life to unnecessary conservatism. This school of thought will allow me to take conservatism to the extreme. I used to enjoy saying things like "boo yeah", but now I realize that this phrase is not as conservative as I would like it to be. Boo yeah is not something I would want to say in a professional setting. I just feel like I need to take the plunge into a world where I interpret everything literally. I just want to go that extra mile, do some serious judging. On my tombstone I want it to say "here lies the most unnecessarily conservative man who ever lived".

After talking to brother Nate, we have both come to the conclusion that being conservative is totally cool. Most people these days look down on conservatism and legalism, so now these schools of thought are rebelious. Everyone knows that being cool means being a little rebelious so I have now embraced conservatism and legalism. Besides judging others is so much fun and now that my conservative attitude has made me blameless I can know judge knowing that I am better than everyone else.

Another cool thing about conservatism and legalism are the rules. I love the added structure that these rules brings to my life. Sometimes I like to invent the most conservative rules I can think of and then follow them. I also like to invent rules for others without telling them and then judge them when they don't follow them, it's pretty neat. If you would like to spruce up your life with some conservatism here are a few practical things you can do:
wear glasses
wear a belt
don't pee on the seat
iron your clothes everyday
don't grow sideburns
cut that long hair
act like a business man all the time

That's all I got, enjoy your new life!

An old dog
Crazy Asian dirvers all around me
The smell of rotting poo
Stinky feet
A nice boy
Constant change
David and Goliath
Sticky Rice
This is my life

The most annoying thing happened to me the other day. If you don't like bathroom talk please stop reading now. Anyways, being married has changed me in numerous ways. One specific way it has changed me is that I now sit down to pee. Why do I do this? I don't know, it is really weird. It might be because of the fact that in our first apartment the bathroom was attached to the bedroom and if I had to pee during the night I could do it a lot quieter sitting down. Let's be honest who wants to wake to the sound of pee falling into a toilet, definitely not my wife and I don't want to subject her to this.

Going back to the point of the story, this post is about an annoyance I experienced. No one was home the other day so I decided to stand. As everyone knows urinating gives such a sense of relief and satisfaction. However in this case I noticed the toilet seat starting to fall while I was in midstream. It is horrible when the untimely circumstances can ruin something so good. The toilet seat continued to fall deflecting the pee on to my pants and on the floor. This is not even the worst part. The worst part is when the toilet seat hits the rim with a loud smash; the noise was so loud I thought Jesus was coming to take me home.

In conclusion, I experienced an annoying event. It was when I went pee and the toilet seat fell down as I was going. I have learned that sitting is the best option and I encourage my readers to sit. Sorry for the bathroom talk. God bless you all.