amazing things

Amazing Eve

2010-02-08T17:58:00.000-08:00

As a consequence of eating the apple (not really an apple, but probably) Eve was punished with painful childbirth and Adam with hard work. This pattern was supposed to continue for all people. Too bad it no longer applies, with epidurals women no longer need to feel the full pain of childbirth and they work just as hard as men once their off mat leave. In many cases men stay home now and look after the kids.

Phelps blows!

2009-02-11T18:08:00.000-08:00

Hello Blog Readers,

This post is about how much Michael Phelps blows. It is ironic that the most decorated 2008 Olympian is the biggest loser ever. He was looked up to by so many Americans and he let them all down by his drug lust behaviour. he should be stripped of all his medals and be made to pay back all the sponsor money that he stole. He is a shame and a disgrace. The words degenerate and reprobate also come to mind. Well, he should have never won any medals in the first place, he should have been stripped of all medals and expelled from the Olympic after all the yelling he did after the mens relay. What good can come off this? Hopefully some people will learn not to be an idiot like Phelps.

Happy New Year!

2009-02-02T20:07:00.000-08:00

Dear faithful readers of amazing things,
So about a month ago, while I was at work, someone wished me a Happy New Year. I was disgusted and offended. How can people just assume that I celebrate New Years day. I wanted to vomit but I managed to squeek out a few words, "Excuse me jerkface, don't impose your racist, ethnocentric views on me. I have individual rights and you can't make assumptions about my culture just by looking at me". For those of you who get wished a happy new year in about a months time, please spit in their face for me.

Amazing Simpsons

2007-01-21T00:38:00.000-08:00

In my rollercoaster quest for conservative nirvana I have decided to give up the Simpsons. Bart gives me ideas to do bad things, things that are not conservative. One time I told someone to 'eat my shorts’; I also said 'aye carumba'. These are not nice things to say. I also feel more rebellious as I watch Bart. Bart embodies selfishness as he is a character who just lives for himself. For all you parents out there let's ban our kids and ourselves from watching the Simpsons again. Remember the 80's and early 90's when we did this. We've gotten complacent and lazy. We need to protect ourselves and the children who are the future of this world from Bart.

Amazing Seven Seals

2007-01-07T05:09:00.000-08:00

I've been reading through Revelation and it is quite a fascinating book. Many people don't bother reading because they think it is depressing. Words like apocalypse, Armageddon, hell, lake of burning sulfur and whores are not things that people like to read about. However, not only does Christ come back but Revelation talks about the seven seals. Honestly, who doesn’t love seals? They are so cute and when you see them you feel like giving them a great big hug. Man am I in a good mood right now and I owe it all to thinking about but cuddly seals and wearing glasses. Peace.

Amazing Americans

2007-01-01T20:34:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year blog readers! I have been meaning to post this picture for a long time now. At school the grade 3 class was dressing up as people from other cultures. One girl dressed up as someone from Japan and wore a kimono. Some other kids wore some traditional East Indian clothes. The boy who dressed up as the United States came as a clown. Really, what else do I have to say?

amazing battles

2006-11-29T00:23:00.000-08:00

Hello all. Right now I am in a fierce battle. I am not sure if I should embrace unnessary conservatism or just take the middle of the road approach. I still like the idea of evolution which is holding me back from becoming ultraconservative, yet I still wear glasses which makes me ultraconservative. Both paths just have so many good things. I like wearing black pants everyday, never smiling, judging people who speak in tounges, driving slow, making sure my shirts are not to low-cut, telling people what they are doing is wrong, ironing my clothes, yelling, not having time to talk to people because I'm too busy, not ever farting, having a business mans haircut, and not shopping on Sundays. Ultraconservatim has really grown on me. Yet the battle rages on.

amazing unnessary conservatism

2006-11-22T23:47:00.000-08:00

I was thinking this morning about conservatism and how it is really nice. Unfortunately nice is not good enough. I am considering switching my philosophy in life to unnecessary conservatism. This school of thought will allow me to take conservatism to the extreme. I used to enjoy saying things like "boo yeah", but now I realize that this phrase is not as conservative as I would like it to be. Boo yeah is not something I would want to say in a professional setting. I just feel like I need to take the plunge into a world where I interpret everything literally. I just want to go that extra mile, do some serious judging. On my tombstone I want it to say "here lies the most unnecessarily conservative man who ever lived".

amazing conservatism

2006-11-19T05:08:00.000-08:00

After talking to brother Nate, we have both come to the conclusion that being conservative is totally cool. Most people these days look down on conservatism and legalism, so now these schools of thought are rebelious. Everyone knows that being cool means being a little rebelious so I have now embraced conservatism and legalism. Besides judging others is so much fun and now that my conservative attitude has made me blameless I can know judge knowing that I am better than everyone else.

Another cool thing about conservatism and legalism are the rules. I love the added structure that these rules brings to my life. Sometimes I like to invent the most conservative rules I can think of and then follow them. I also like to invent rules for others without telling them and then judge them when they don't follow them, it's pretty neat. If you would like to spruce up your life with some conservatism here are a few practical things you can do:
wear glasses
wear a belt
don't pee on the seat
iron your clothes everyday
don't grow sideburns
cut that long hair
act like a business man all the time

That's all I got, enjoy your new life!

amazing poem

2006-11-14T04:02:00.000-08:00

An old dog
Crazy Asian dirvers all around me
The smell of rotting poo
Stinky feet
A nice boy
Constant change
David and Goliath
Sticky Rice
This is my life

Amazing annoyances

2006-11-05T00:47:00.000-08:00

The most annoying thing happened to me the other day. If you don't like bathroom talk please stop reading now. Anyways, being married has changed me in numerous ways. One specific way it has changed me is that I now sit down to pee. Why do I do this? I don't know, it is really weird. It might be because of the fact that in our first apartment the bathroom was attached to the bedroom and if I had to pee during the night I could do it a lot quieter sitting down. Let's be honest who wants to wake to the sound of pee falling into a toilet, definitely not my wife and I don't want to subject her to this.

Going back to the point of the story, this post is about an annoyance I experienced. No one was home the other day so I decided to stand. As everyone knows urinating gives such a sense of relief and satisfaction. However in this case I noticed the toilet seat starting to fall while I was in midstream. It is horrible when the untimely circumstances can ruin something so good. The toilet seat continued to fall deflecting the pee on to my pants and on the floor. This is not even the worst part. The worst part is when the toilet seat hits the rim with a loud smash; the noise was so loud I thought Jesus was coming to take me home.

In conclusion, I experienced an annoying event. It was when I went pee and the toilet seat fell down as I was going. I have learned that sitting is the best option and I encourage my readers to sit. Sorry for the bathroom talk. God bless you all.

Amazing A.F.A.

2006-10-20T21:05:00.000-07:00

Rationalism is a school of thought which sprung up in the age of enlightenment. I enjoy being a very rational man. The other day as I was thinking rationally, I thought about aliens and how they are often viewed poorly in society. I was deeply saddened and my inner child cried a lot. Now it is time for me to take a stand against our oppressive rulers who promote hatred towards UFO's and aliens. I am sick to my stomach when I see people segregating humans and aliens. Why can't we all be the same? Just because they are from another planet, does that make us better? I am starting a new organization called Advocates For Aliens (A.F.A). Aliens are cool and our friends. Who will help me overthrow every world government that discriminates against aliens?

Amazing Nick and Robbie

2006-10-10T04:21:00.000-07:00

I often ask myself the question, "Who is amazing these days?". Obviously the answer is Nicholas Higgins and Robbie Snyder.
Nick is a great guy who loves math. I also love math, calculators, and protractors which is why Nick and I have so much in common. On a typical day Nick also wears glasses which is also really neat.
Robbie is my brother in law which is quite amazing. He does not eat wheat or drink milk just like me. Robbie and I have had several deep conversations about farts and poo while drinking soy mild and eating rice crackers, at the Snyder residence. Robbie now lives in the Crowsnest Pass where he plumbs.

more amazing coups

2006-09-23T01:41:00.000-07:00

the coup turned out to be a pretty good day. we got the day off work. i had a nap. i ate some good Thai food. i wich there was a coup everyday. Good bye my beloved readers.

amazing coups

2006-09-19T21:02:00.000-07:00

Everyone needs to be in a good coup d'etat now and then and I am no exception. I love being involved in overthrowing the government. Is it because I am so heavily involved in politics? Is it because I live on the wild side and like to shake things up everyonce in a while? Well no. As I am on my quest to become the most conservative man in the world I believe that having the military rule Thailand is the most conservative option and that is why I support it. I don't understand why people don't want to become extremely conservative like me. When will the world realize that being conservative is totally cool? Things are fine the way they are so why change.

amazing Big C

2006-08-19T03:13:00.000-07:00

I love Big C. Big C is the Walmart of Thailand, it's so cool. Big C has its own radio station called Big C station which is really neat the best part about it is when you shop they play this little jingle and say "Big C station". This is the coolest saying ever and I have adopted it as my own. Big C station is the greatest response for any question someone may throw at you. How's it going? - Big C station. What's the capital on Denmark? - Big C station. Who's going to win the superbowl? - Big C station. See, can't you people see that big C station is super cool.

amazing Philosphy

2006-08-04T03:24:00.000-07:00

A wise man once said, "Inspiring to live, learn and communicate, with excellence". Thats mans name was Conrad. This is a school philosophy I have tried to adopt as my own, isn't that nice? I love to communicate to others with excellence. Communication is very important these days. Why you ask? Well if we did not communicate it would be very difficult to play games with each other like Settlers and Lego for example. Games are also quite nice they help me relax and have fun. I think society is too concerned with having fun these days. Why can't people read more? Reading is the coolest, not only do you learn but it may help you communicate in the future. Please think long and hard about what you have just read and it will benefit you greatly.

P.S. Sorry for my previous post, it was too long and boring.

Amazing Marriage Tips

2006-07-23T00:38:00.000-07:00

Congratulations Jon and Rachel here are a few tips that I didn't get to say at your wedding because we ran out of time:

1. Marriage is built on trust, thus there is no need to keep secrets and it is fun spending time together and learning things about your spouse. However, there is one thing that you should never tell your spouse about and the answer is quite obvious, traffic tickets. This may seem dishonest but what benefit can come from telling your spouse about your traffic ticket. How is saying “Sorry honey it’s going to be another slow Christmas because I didn’t wear my seatbelt” going to brighten someone’s day? I would never tell my wife about any of my numerous tickets and I told her to never to tell me about hers, I am happier not knowing and you will be too.

2. Finances can be tough during the first year of marriage so it is a really good idea to wear clothes over again before washing. It saves money on soap as well your clothes don’t wear out so fast from the washing machine. However wearing pants more than once poses significant problems, it is imperative that you take the socks and underwear out of the pants before wearing them again and this is tricky because sometimes the sock and underwear like to hide in the legs. Always check the legs, because when that underwear pops out the bottom of your pants while you are at work you are going to be embarrassed and it will most likely ruin your day, and if you bring that pain home you may ruin your spouses day as well.

3. Having a spouse is great and your spouse is your best friend. Even though your spouse is your best friend he or she is not your camp best friend. Thus it is not a good idea to give your spouse the Dutch oven. For those of you who don’t know what a Dutch oven is the correct answer is when two people are laying in bed and one person flatulates and pull the covers over the other person’s head trapping the flatulence in an enclosed area, prolonging the stench. Although this may seem like a good idea at the time it never really is, so my advice is treat your partner with the love and respect they deserve unless they tell you about their traffic ticket then its Dutch oven time.

4. When people get married they often develop routines, some people like routines others find them boring and mundane. So if you think life is getting too boring try spicing it up a bit using the following ideas, hide your spouse’s keys, when they fall asleep turn off their alarm, all are great ways to spice up life.

5. Communication, communication is so important. You have to communicate to get to know each other better. But sometimes you just don’t feel like it. Sometimes it may be weird and awkward, let’s say hypothetically if Rachel plugs the toilet, not that that’s ever happened before. But if it did, this is no time to avoid one another but it is a time to communicate and solve a problem the way two people in love should. And I think you guys are both great communicators and a lovely couple, communication will be great between you as long as Rachel can refrain from plugging your toilet like she did a few Tuesdays ago and numerous times before. Don’t worry Rachel I still poop my pants on a regular basis which is a lot worse than plugging a toilet.

6. Have some good times. Enjoy being around each other. Have a few laughs, tell some jokes. Even though this might be hard for John who had some serious problems cracking a joke during the first few months of the dating process. Actually this may be beneficial as women love there man to be serious. So maybe go without for the jokes as long as you can.

7. Faith, you got to have some faith in a marriage, faith in God. God designed marriage and he can play the most important role if you let Him. Obviously marriage can happen without God but that doesn’t mean it’s to be done, I can steer my bike with my feet if I want to that doesn’t make it a good idea. But I don’t think faith should be a big problem for you two, especially Rachel who believed that any key would work in her car. Well she put the mailbox key into the ignition but it got stuck, she then tried to force it out with her foot but ended up breaking off the top piece leaving the remainder of the key stuck in the ignition. Well one week and a new lock later the car was up and running again. Rachel sorry for yet another embarrassing story but once again I soil my pants on a regular basis if you can beat that then I’ll shut up.

Amazing Herb Jamieson Center

2006-07-05T11:39:00.000-07:00

Saturday was my last shift at the Hope Mission Herb Jamieson Center. This was probably the most intense job I ever had or will have. Everyday was a new adventure. The Herb definitly had the most inetesting people ever. My favourite client was Paul, no hands down. Unforunatly Paul suffers from seizures but still refuses to take care of his body. This man needs tons of prayer. He often showed up and said certain key phrases that have stuck in my mind. Here is a list of Paul's top 5 sayings:
1. I like to walk alone
2. You know how stubborn I can be
3. I love it!
4. Gimme a bag lunch
5. Call the cops!

Other saying that didn't make the top 5 are, "Have you seen bearclaw?", "Gimme a hot meal", and "Worry about me". "I walk alone" is the saddest phrase I've ever heard, it sounds so lonely and depressing.

I also got to work with some great people such as Doyle, Tim, Jared, Mike, Anthony, Rev. Bob, Mark, Denis, Violet, Lincon, Ron, Bob P, Tamba George, Sunday, Mophat, Joey, Vladamir, Rick, Drew, Anjele, Evan, Nicole, Michala, Tanya, Sri, Norman, Michael, Chris, Otto, Jim, John, Joe, Michelle, David, Randy, Quinn, Norma, and Monique. You guys all rock, keep up the good work.

amazing lets do this!

2006-06-18T21:09:00.000-07:00

Oilers you can do it! Bring home the cup!

Amazing Carolina maybe?

2006-06-12T17:02:00.000-07:00

I have always hated Carolina and I have always hated hurricanes so here is the last playoff poem:

Damnation to Carolina

Calamity and death to Carolina
Why don't you die?
I hate you so much

I loathe you Cam Ward
I don't care if you're from Sherwood Park
You've deserted your homeland
You are a traitor
A thousand years of torture would not be sufficient for you

Carolina, you are a team of reprobates
May you be cursed for now and evermore
You bastardly cowards
your complaining is a mosquito in my ear

Die Brind'amour (isn't that french for "I love men")
Die Staal
Die Stillman
Cole even though you are injured and did not play in the playoffs you can die as well

Rolason I cried when you were injured
My hopes faded with you
But Jussi, my sweet sweet Jussi
You have renewed my faith in life

so sing O Canada
Sing to the Oilers
Sing for the last 2 good things in my life
My sweet little Katie and the sweet Oilers

Boo yeah

Amazing C.S. Lewis

2006-06-05T04:08:00.000-07:00

I would just like to take some time to comment on the crappiest writer ever, C.S. Lewis. Can books get any more boring than the useless information he puts out. I would not even line my bird cage with the pages from one of his books. Let's look at an example, I think this book is called the the screwtape letters or some garbage name like that. Halfway through this book I threw it against the wall when I found out he was writing about Satan and one of his demons. I really don't need any more pollution in my brain and My Lewis has to go and write something like this. Let's also look at the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. C'mon a magical wardrobe, what does he take us for? And talking lions, last time I check lions don't talk. I think C.S. Lewis should take a zoology course or two. Anyway, I think his books are really boring and I don't think anyone should read them.

Amazing Oilers Part 3

2006-05-24T03:47:00.000-07:00

I've always hated anihiem and if theres one type of animal I hate it's a duck, so i wrote a little poem about it:

Kill all the ducks

Kill all the ducks
All the ducks in the world
all the mallards, all the canvasbacks
shoot them and sell them to China so they can have Peking Duck

pollute all the lakes in the world with oil
erase the habitat of the duck
let the duck be covered in oil and them light them on fire
shoot all the ducks in the sky and let thier bodies rain from heaven

Kill Temmu, kill nediermeyer, both of them
O how I loathe Friesen, Lupul and Salei
you won 2 series and became proud, now you are nothing.
even the lowliest of creatures has more respect than you

The oil runs thick covering the land
Peca, we used to hate your ugly face
the stench of your ugliness has turned into the sweet smell of success
Pisani we adore you even though your nose is long
Torres you are like a little tank, fueled by oil, engineered to kill
O how I love you Oilers, kill and show no mercy

amazing playoff poems

2006-05-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

While at work the other day one of my co-workers was talking about how she prays in Jesus name for the Oilers to score. The Oilers are in a pivitol game tonight and I decided to write another playoff poem here it is:

Death to the Sharks

Woe to you predator of the sea
your time has come
the tanker has sunk
and now the water runs thick with oil
the sharks will perish

harpoon the shark
cut off his dorsal fin
and throw him back in the ocean to die
to bleed to death in the salty water

watch as Cheechoo shots are stopped
As the mighty Thorton is dethroned
Toskala, your time has come too
you will be the ruin of the shark family

Hail Ryan Smyth
whose mullet is like a flock of goats decending Mt Gilead
Pronger your chest is like two firm pomegrantes
Roloson, you were once despised, now you are loved
Oilers unleash your fury tonight!!!

amazing Mexico

2006-05-07T18:32:00.000-07:00

Today Katie and I got back from Mexico. We had a great trip, the kids were awesome. Many children in Mexico have to fend for themselves as their parents are cracked out. We built a building that will house Rob and Michelle Campbell so they can help kids, part of the building will also be a classroom for the kids.

On the last night a few of us showered outside which turned into a show for the kids. The showers inside the existing house kept clogging up so showering outside became the best option.

One of the less amazing things about the trip was the smell of constant poo in the van we drove. Being in a van with 12 other people for 2 days resulted in the travelling outhouse smell. I must confess I released alot of gas myself.

amazing oilers

2006-04-28T13:29:00.000-07:00

Today I leave for Mexico, in fear that last night I have watched my final Oilers game of the season. The Oilers had to win game 4 but they could not, my faith is lost. So I wrote this poem:

All hope is lost
My dreams have faded into the night
O my precious Oilers, how could you do me like this?
I placed my aspirations into your hands
My playoff beard was full and thick

But now shame is upon me
I'm not dirty but I don't feel clean
the tied series is like a loss
and I will never see you again, my love, my dear Oilers

Death to the wings,
death and torment to Chelios
for you have taunted us and hit us from behind
you have peed on our wounds and thus we despise you
Die Chelios die
you will meet your doom

amazing minority drivers

2006-04-24T12:54:00.000-07:00

I have to say that visable minority drivers are the worst drivers out there. During the past month I have been quite suprised at all the minority drivers that I have been frustrated with. I've seen driving on the wrong side of the road, near miss side swiping, no look left hand turns. What is going on? Well the answer is quite simple really, try visiting the countries where all these people come from and you will see why they drive like they do. Basically everyone drives like a madman in other countires, and traffic is so disorderly that everyone justs accepts it. However in Canada most people drive by the rules so when we see disorder on the road we get all pissed off.

Many of you blog readers may be saying "Hey Aaron arent you a visable minority? How could you do yourself like this?". Unfortunatly being a bad driver is genetic and I must confess I am a horible driver. I have rear ended someone and done many horrible things while driving. My brother is also a horrible driver he backed up into a closed garage door, rolled me Dad's car, and other various atrosities. o well.

Here is a list of drivers from best to worst:
1. My wife of course
2. Married white men
3. Single Women between 30 and 50
4. Germans
5. Japanese
6. Single white men
7. Seniors
8. All other women
9. All other minority drivers
10. Me
11. Nathan
12. Jill
13. Small children

If this list offends you don't bother reading it.

more amazing cafes 2

2006-04-09T17:05:00.000-07:00

The art n soul cafe was a complete success. thanks to everyone who volunteered and came. $1090 was raised for the trip to Mexico. This money will be put to good use as it will be spent on building a place for kids to stay while their parents have abandoned them for a few days.

The music was quite stunning and I'm not just saying that because I performed. We had some great bands like Profile, Radius, and the Emma Thompsons. Also Nick Higgins proved to be a great performer also. One of the most glorious performances came from Tristen Penny, Robbie Snyder, Scott McKeller, Rob Campbell, and Nick with "Hero", the tune by Enrique Iglaciasiaisisicis.

The Art was also fabulous thanks to Rosalyn, Ted, Nate, Lisa T, Glen.

Also we were glad to have a very special guest with us that night, Brian Gurnett. Brian was very happy thoughout the night and seemed to be having a good time. He laughed at many of the jokes and was also seen playing hackey sack.

stay tuned for more of my retarded posts in the near future!

more amazing cafes

2006-04-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

hey everyone come to the art and soul cafe here are the details:

Art and Soul Café
Proceeds from this event will go to building a safe place for underprivileged kids in Mexico.
There will also be a silent auction.

Where? Sherwood Park Presbyterian Church, 265 Fir St.

When? April 8, 2006 @ 7:00 pm

Cost? $5

Featuring great music from:
Profile
Radius
RyanAar
Emma Thompsons

amazing cafe

2006-03-30T13:28:00.000-08:00

So most people know that my wife and I are going to Mexico to help build an orphanage. On April 8th we are doing a fundraiser called the art and soul cafe. My wife and I were trying to plan parts of it and my wife said we should have a $40 float. I deeply protested this, I told her that we may cramped for space already and we would have no room to parade a float around the room. She said I didn't understand what I was talking about but I wouldn't have any of it. Also if we were going to have a float is should be nice and not a cheap $40 one. Spending only $40 on a float would be a waste of money I think. Finally after alot of explaining,a few diagrams, and a 30 minute powerpoint presentation I finally understood what she was getting at. Katie if you read this I just want you to know that I am still opposed to the float idea but I still love you. Boo yeah!

amazing taxes

2006-03-24T09:55:00.000-08:00

So it's that time of year again, it's tax time again. Boo yeah. Many of you are wondering why I'm so excited, well the answer is quite obvious. I'm excited because I get to do math. Pencils, erasers, calculators, and math books get me very excited! I am a big fan of formula's, long division, and calculus, what better way to spend a Friday morning. Alot of you may be having some trouble doing your taxes because you're not a mathimatical wizard like me. Here's a few tips:

1. Before you start put on glasses, not only will you look smarter, you'll feel smarter. If is scientifically proven people with glasses are much smarter than people without.

2. Wear a watch with a calculator on it. Looking awesome while doing your taxes makes you feel good.

3. Play some nice background music. I recommend Celine Dion, Nelly, or Clay Aiken.

4. Prepare to party because doing taxes rocks!

amazing colons

2006-03-14T10:28:00.000-08:00

I am looking forward to heaven. One of the things that is on my heavenly wish list is a new colon. Or if there was some system where the colon was cut out that would be good too. Eating would be cool but if we could skip the whole pooing part I would be down with that. Pooing is quite unproductive, if I spend an average of 5 minutes pooing a day if I live to be seventy, I will have spent 88 days pooing. Anyways, I am quite thankful my colon has been a good boy lately. Yogurt has been especially helpful, I would recomend everyone eat some yogurt today as it helps replenish the good bacteria in the colon. I basically feel that life is all about relationships, relationships with colons. We as a society must start treating our colons better. I am calling this new quest colonrevoulution. Who is with me?

amazing watches

2006-03-06T11:05:00.000-08:00

What is the modern symbol of power in this day and age? the most obvious answer is the calculator watch. I found this out the other day when a friend asked me, "Aaron how does one become awesome?". I chuckled to myself and then answered, "Young padewon, the key to awesomeness is the calculator watch. Math is apparently the coolest so it just makes sense that humans should be wearing watches that make math problems easier. Now don't get me wrong, my first choice is the scientific calculator which combines math and science, I also like graphing calculators but alas they are heavier which made my arms too buff. My watch also functions as a remote control which means when I walk into the living room I don't have to take those extra steps to grab those bulky remotes which is very convienent. When I wear this watch I just feel better about myself. When I have a bad day I know I can come home and do math on my watch and there is just a very reassuring feeling about that. umm bye

amazing mullets

2006-02-27T08:51:00.000-08:00

Unfortuneatly, I have noticed alot of nerds these days without mullets. Mullets first came to my attention after my wife said to me, "I beseech you!, please grow a long beautiful mullet". I have a little saying I like to use to make my marraige a little bit smoother, it goes like this, "Whatever honey wants, honey gets". I applied this saying to my present problem and I grew my wife a beautiful mullet. Mullets are totally back in style. One of my favourite passtimes is reading the Fashion section of the journal and the journal seems to agree with me that mullets are coming back. Life is short, don't let time pass you by, grow the mullet. Ladies, you too, I've seen those women mullets and they are totally awesome!

amazing names

2006-02-20T12:35:00.000-08:00

People from other countries have terrible names. Since I've been watching the Olympics I've noticed 2 horrific names. Let's take a look a the Swedish hockey player Asserholt, what kind of a last name is this. The worst one was the chinese speed skater Manli Wang. I wish I was joking about this one. How could someone name their daughter Manli Wang, C'mon now. Why can't parents just give their kids amazing names like Aaron. Aaron is a great name, there have been many great Aaron's like Aaron the high preist of Israel, Aaron Carter the pop star and well that's about it, still a great name though.

Also congrats to Tim Hortons for a great commercial. I'm talking about the one where the Chinese grandfather comes to watch the hockey game. Since I have grown up in a very strict Chinese household this commercial really meant alot to me. I wept the first time I saw this commercial. It brought back so many memories of how I was supposed to "sudy hard, not always hockey". what a beautiful commercial. I think i'll go get a Double Double.

more amazing penguins

2006-02-17T09:39:00.000-08:00

Due to extreme temperatures and insane amounts of gas fumes the robot penguin eye has suffered greatly. Hollywood investors who have shelled out gross amounts of money creating an army of robot penguins were hit hard again when they realized the would have to outfit all the pengiuns with glasses. The penguins first wanted contact lenses but the penguins wanted all those new weird contact lens colors so glasses were deemed as the best choice which is suprising because pengiuns don't have ears. O well. Once the glasses were in place the penguins exibited very strange behaviour. They started doing a lot of math and wearing pens in thier plumage. Robotic engineers are having a hard time working on the penguins as the penguins are usually too busy surfing the net or watching Star Wars.

amazing penguins

2006-02-10T08:55:00.000-08:00

I was horified to discover that the penguins I saw in "March of the Penguins" were actually robots. These were some of the most sophiticated robots ever used. The sad part of it is most of the money going to robot research these days is mostly from Hollywood, thus Hollywood gets the best robots. I am extremely upset that I don't have a robot doing my household chores yet they wasted valuable robots in March of the Penguins. Life to me is all about relationships, relationships with robots. That is precisely why we must invest money into research for AI. I'm calling this quest robotrevolution. Who is with me?

amazing buffness

2006-01-26T17:05:00.000-08:00

So over the last little while or so I've had numerous people come up to me and say, "Aaron why must you be so buff like this", I usually chuckle and say, "that's the way God made me". God makes people in all shapes and sizes and he chose me to be huge and ripped. On a recent visit to the doctor I was informed that my muscles were getting to big for my skin, the doctor told me to stay off the weights but of course I paid no attention to his advice and worked out twice that very day.

For all you skinny nerds and stamp collectors out there try to follow my routine:
1. Get pumped up before you go to the gym, personally I crank the lastest Hillary Duff tune or some Baha men classics in my tape player on the way to the gym.

2. Put on the clothes you are going to work out in on before going to the gym. Rule of thumb: Time spent changing could be time spent pumping iron.

3. Grunt as loud as you can while working out and when finishing your set throw the weights on the floor to make a big crash. This will draw lots of attention to your pipes and increase your self esteem.

4. Bring a really skinny stamp collector friend along with you. The constrast between your puny friend and your guns will also improve your self esteem.

5. Don't worry about form, load up the weights. It looks awesome.

6. Ask the gym attendant in a real loud vioce, "Do you have any heavier weights?", Insist that the weights they have are insufficient to meet your needs. Make sure everyone hears you.

So all you nancy boys out there listening to your Phantom of the Opera soundtracks its time to get out there and start pumping iron.

amazing wife

2006-01-23T21:12:00.000-08:00

I can't believe my wife is willing to donate he bone barrow in an upcoming bone marrow transplant while she is pregnant, what a great wife! Way to go Katie!

amazing siblings in law

2006-01-16T16:49:00.000-08:00

When I got married one of the bonus's was my new siblings in law. Probably my favourite thing about my siblings in law is that none of them have glasses. O wait all of them do, except Rachel most of the time. One of the great things about my new brothers in law is that they are not nerds. Often when I go over to the Snyder residence Robbie will say, "hey Aaron would you like to surf the net with me", which is totally awesome and so much fun. Then Zach will say, "Let's do math, for fun!!", and I say, "Dude, lets math it up, boo yeah". After all the net surfing and math Katie and I will go try and talk to Rachel, but it is hard to get her attention as she is usually thinking of new computer programs she can write, she rocks at computers. Last but not least we hang out with Sarah, we usually enjoy checking out her pocket protecctor collection as well as her Star Wars figurene collection, which are all in their original wrappings. Yeah we know how to party, so what? Well most of this isn't true except for the time Robbie and I surfed the net. We might be nerds but if we are that is good because NERD stands for Nerver Ending Radical Dude. Boo yeah

amazing Nare

2006-01-12T20:34:00.000-08:00

I guess I would describe my relationship between my brother and sister as:
1. A friend
2. A brother
3. An entertainer

Jill and Nare are always saying things like, "oh Aaron you're so funny", or "oh Aaron you're jokes are hillarious", and I usually say "yeah of course". Basically I like to have a lot of laughs and gags to spice things up. Jill often says things like, "Aaron you're humor is the best" and I say, "yeah I know". Basically when I'm around my siblings I'm constantly doing shows for them, mostly comedy shows. When visitors come to our house they usually say "wow you're so funny it's like I'm watching a hillarious TV show" and I say "yeah, true, true". But I don't do it for gratitude, it's not like I want Jill and Nare to say "oh thanks for all the awesome laughs" or "thinks for being so witty. My main goal is for them to see me on the street and think, "oh! theres Aaron Wong, I should really go up to him and thank him".

Moustaches

2006-01-01T18:05:00.000-08:00

Hey all you nerds without moustaches! Moustaches are now the coolest. I decided to grow one after my wife begged me to and 3 weeks later the budding hairs blossomed into a beautiful moustache. I usually don't like to brag about myself but I am hot. So I would like everyone to share my joy and grow a moustache, even the ladies. Boo yeah.

o my goodness

2005-12-15T23:37:00.000-08:00

what's the deal with the movie "the Lion King"? what a crappy movie! first of all animals can't even talk, who are the writers trying to fool? I guess that's hollywood for ya. another beef i have is with all the songs in the movie, how can animals compose songs. one of the major flaws of the movie is the scene in the elephant graveyard where scar sings the song be prepared and the hyenas are marching in rows, how was this acheived, how did they from such a formidable military. O well.

on an unrelated matter i highly reccomend the critically acclaimed play "The Lion King"

amazing Sarah

2005-12-01T19:00:00.000-08:00

yo what up fatefull blog readers. well today we went to the leg to hear my sister-in-law Sarah sing her little heart out. It was quite nice. We got to hear a fabulous speech by Ralph Klien, in conclusion I had a great day.
I also gave my traditional December speech to a crowd of one.

Amazing Stupid Eskimoes

2005-11-29T19:18:00.000-08:00

So the eskimos won the grey cup. Yay!!! So my wife, father-in-law, and I decided to go see the grey cup parade downtown. We got there and it was so packed and we could barely see as the players were introduced. O my poor sweet little Katie! Then we went to get autographs and the line was sooo long. When we were about to get our autographs the security guard cut off the line so we waited for nothing.
We did get to see Ricky Ray up close as he walked by out line. Another weird thing happened as the players walked by I held out my fist and the eskimoe players would make a fist and hit mine (it's sort of a trendy handshake). well one player came with an open hand like he wanted to shake hands while I was still making my fist and as I went to switch to handshaking mode our hands just lightly touched, it was quite awkward and gay. If you were that eskimo and are reading this now, I meant nothing by it and I am a happily married man.
The pics are of Katie having a great time and the other is the side of my face with a nerdy eskimo in the background dreaming of being a computer programmer

Katie

2005-11-16T13:14:00.000-08:00

Katie is now a anchorwoman! if you have any questions please comment

amazing fatness

2005-11-08T17:12:00.000-08:00

Unfortuneatly when I was in grade 8 I was fat. I was called "a pig with hair", "fatso", "blubber but", "porker", "Aaron the fatty stupid pig" and varoius other names. What is society's obsession with being slim. Since I have got back from Thailand and I have already gained 15 pounds. Whenever I pick up a peice of food my wife gently reminds me, "Aaron stop eating!". I have tried to start working out again but alas the pounds seem to be coming anyway. Some people are so lucky like Nate, he eats fat strips off of ducks and does not gain a pound and stays as skinny as a rail basking in the sunshine of slimness. O the days when I slim, O how I miss you. Come back skinny Aaron, come back!

amazing journey's

2005-11-07T19:39:00.000-08:00

I think we are all on amazing journey, for me I have been inspired by the Michael W. Smith song "Go West, Young man". I am searching for a "heart that's golden", this does not mean I want material gold but it means i have to contribute to the lives of others. I heard at church this weekend about a group of guys who are dedicating 7 years to the ministry, I think this is a very noble thing to do and I may try it myself. I have a brother who is also on a journey he's "looking for a reason, roaming thru the night to find his place in this world, his face in this world", unfortuneatly theres not alot to lean on he needs help, help from a higher being, I don't know. One of his goals is to be a famous rock star, which i think is cool and he is more than capable of doing it. The funny thing is many rock stars after a while realize there's not a lot to lean on and they need to find there place in this world. Let's look at Nate favourite band Linkin Park and the lyrics "I wanna heal, I wanna feal what I thought was never real, i wanna find something I wanted all along, somewhere I belong" this is the same idea as the Michael W Smith song, place in this world. Linkin part realizes the emptiness of life and desires to make a change. there are alot of crazy rock stars that have turned to a "higher power" including Alice Cooper, Megadeath, Mace, Billy Corgan from Smashing Pumpkins. eventually we should all have the yearning to go west ...unless we're retarded.

amazing bird flu

2005-11-04T12:31:00.000-08:00

I've been hearing on the news all this talk of bird flu and how it is going to be the next epidemic. Basically, reporters are just trying to scare us. Why must we kill all these birds that I could potentially be eating at KFC one day, this is terrible. Those poor innocent creatures that have been couped up their whole lives. They've been force fed and crapped on by the chicken in the cage above them, what a tradgedy and then to die because someone thinks they have a flu. I seem to recall my parents not killing me when I had the flu.
I know you're thinking "amazing Aaron, how can you say this?". Well I've had bird flu in Thailand and let me tell you, it ain't no thang but a chicken wing. Aaron out. Peace.

Amazing Magical Birthday

2005-06-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

On June 25 I will be 25 years old, that means it will be my magical birthday. if you know me buy me an expensive present, just kidding. being 25 is not really scary, i've experienced great things getting married, the great wall, the eiffel tower, as well as horrific things like worms, colitis, and depression. on a side note dont you hate when you leave underewear or socks in you pants and wear them the next day and the then the underwear falls out of your pant leg. this year i will be starting a revolution aimed at building relationships. my inner sadness deepens, or does it?

My worms

2005-06-16T09:46:00.000-07:00

Who enjoys a nice juicy burger every now and then? I sure do, except for the time the burger gave me worms (which was 2 days ago). Based on empirical data, if you do not cook your ground beef to 170 degress farenheit (why stores use the farenheit scale also gets me quite upset), there is a possibility of getting worms. but it really got me thinking about relationships because i think about this topic alot. some view worms as parasites, and this is not a healthy relationship. do we view other people in our lives as parasites? take for example my sister jill, what a great gal but i often feel like she sucks the life right out of me. (just joking jill, you're the only one that reads my blog anyway) but seriously we need to start symbiotic relationships with people both parties must benefit or the parasite will suck every living ounce of strength out of you. basically i'd like to start a revolution with my worms. why can't we work together and coexist? why can't we work out a deal in which we will mutually benefit? Most people would say it is because worms can't speak english or communicate. Wait a minute! I don't want worms! I now believe the best course of action is to see a doctor who will give me some pills to eternally banish these vile worms from my digestive tract and collon. Farewell my pets, farewell. (Actually I hope they don't fare well)

Amazing Iran

2005-06-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me, knows I've been quite upset with the political situation in Iran. What is up with that government? Their human right record is atrocious and is a cause for great concern. Their upcoming election is a farce and is just a scheme to get western countries to stop judging them. To protest this sham election I am now boycotting all Iranian goods. Who will join me? If it says "made in iran" do not buy it. How will you be able to live with yourself? Basically I feel life is about relationships and we need to start a revolution, this new way of thinking will quickly spread to Iran like a wild fire, burning their current form of government and leaving the ashes of a beautiful democracy.

amazing makeup tips

2005-05-19T10:13:00.000-07:00

so my sister is learning about makeup and all that other junk that women love to put on their face. jill might be getting some type of office job so she needs to look more profesional and apparently this means putting on makeup which i call face poo. someone said jill looks "odd" and "out of place" without makeup which i didn't really agree with, but i added the comments "savage" and "preshistoric" to be the nasty older brother but i was joking of course. I really don't understand why if God gave women such beautiful faces why women would want to transorm themselves into clowns. hey all you ladies, there is no need to have halloween every day of the year.
Chris Rock once asked the question "who lies more, men or women?" well he said men tell the biggest lies but women tell the most lies. women are trying to deiceve us, they wear high heels to make us think they're taller, they try and wear makeup to make men think they;re more beautiful (which dosent work according to the above paragraph). i'm a married man and i think the natural beauty of my wife is far greater than any artificial mask she could create. so my amazing makeup tip is not to wear any at all. think of all the money you ladies can save. makeup is expensive and also full of carcenagenic chemicals and free radicals (i can't back that up except the expensive part). now if you readers will excuse me i'm going to take steriods.

amazing diets

2005-05-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

Basically I like to start off the day with a warm bowl of rice porridge, i like to to make alot so I can eat a few bowls over the course of the day. Today I had some egg salad for lunch. My Dad cooked up some chicken for supper.
If you want to stay healthy try to lower the amount of sugar you take, basically i don't take sugar, well not refined sugar, naturally occuring glucose is OK because it absorbed directly into the blood stream. Don't take anything with caffine in it, it just would'nt be right. Don't drink any milk, I call milk the white liquid devil, why anyone would want all that lactose in thier body just totally blows my mind. how about wheat you ask? well that is one grain i'd like to see wiped off the Alberta flag, why anyone would want all that gluten in thier intestines and colon just baffles me. so kids try to eat as healthy as you can. my closing remarks are keep fit and have fun.

Computers are awesone

2005-05-16T23:05:00.000-07:00

dearest reader of me blog
i love technology which includes computers. right now i'm using my sisters computer which is quite weird because it is a computer called an apple computer. i am not used to it but i am still having a great time becuase it is still a computer. what would cause humans to invent computers? well i guess the obvious answer is that they are awesome! they also can perform massive amounts of calculations in a relatively short period of time. if i changed my name it would be computes.
love Aaron